Alice Miller Books

Every society, in one way or another, teaches children to silence their pain. We are told that the strict hand of discipline is ‘for our own good,’ that a lack of love is simply something to be endured, that obedience is synonymous with virtue. As children, we absorb these values not because they ar...

From The Body Never Lies: The Lingering Effects of Cruel Parenting

Few emotional illusions are as tenacious as the idealization of parents. I have found again and again that people would rather suffer physical pain than risk acknowledging that their parents caused them harm. This idealization begins as dependency—without parental care, the infant cannot live—and ev...

From The Body Never Lies: The Lingering Effects of Cruel Parenting

The drama begins with love itself—or rather, with love distorted through the needs of the parent. From the first moments of life, a child relies absolutely on the caregiver’s benevolence. If the parent is emotionally attuned, the infant learns that her impulses and needs can be safely expressed. But...

From The Drama Of The Gifted Child: The Search For The True Self

When the child’s reality cannot coexist with the parent’s expectations, repression becomes a necessity. Feelings of rage toward a neglectful or manipulative parent are buried because they threaten the child’s fragile dependence. The child cannot both love and hate the parent openly, so hatred—togeth...

From The Drama Of The Gifted Child: The Search For The True Self