Mark Goulston Books

Most people approach self-defeating behavior as if it were a moral weakness—something to be ashamed of. But from my clinical experience, these behaviors are actually learned survival adaptations. They begin as emotional strategies that helped you deal with fear, rejection, or criticism in the past. ...

From Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior

Insight alone does not bring change—it opens the possibility of change. Every self-defeating cycle includes three moments: the trigger, the automatic thought, and the habitual reaction. To interrupt the cycle, you must first notice the trigger. It might be a familiar situation—a criticism, a deadlin...

From Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior

The first step toward dealing with irrational people is recognizing that their behavior isn’t about you—it’s about their feelings. When logic seems to fail, it’s not because logic is wrong; it’s because the emotional brain has seized control. I like to describe this as an emotional hijacking: fear, ...

From Talking to Crazy: How to Deal with the Irrational and Impossible People in Your Life

Every irrational reaction hides an unmet emotional need. In my clinical work, I learned early that underneath even the most aggressive outburst is a kind of fear—usually the fear of loss, rejection, or humiliation. When people act crazy, they’re often protecting a part of themselves that feels threa...

From Talking to Crazy: How to Deal with the Irrational and Impossible People in Your Life